


Say It Back To Me

by vichomilk



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Mickey, Poetry, to Ian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6490264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vichomilk/pseuds/vichomilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago you asked me:<br/>What does love even mean?<br/>I'd always known 'love' was a lie,<br/>But you'd asked, straight up naive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say It Back To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Not entirely entirely happy with this, but pretty freakin' happy with this. Enjoy! Thanks!

A long time ago you asked me:

_What does love even mean?_

I'd always known 'love' was a lie,

But you'd asked, straight up naive.

 

And I couldn't believe you'd said that to me,

What with all that we'd seen.

You even had wonder in your eyes.

It struck me real deep.

 

And I scoffed and I told you,

_Nothing, man. Love's not a real thing._

I was sincere but you looked up at me,

_Is that really what you think?_

 

Your expression wasn't readable,

And so I suddenly got defensive.

_Uh. Yeah. That's what I think,_

_'Else I wouldn't'a fuckin' said it._

 

I was being an asshole;

It was the only thing I knew.

But you smiled in spite of it

And I just stared dumbly at you.

 

 _No, I know love is out there,_ you said.

_I just wanted to see what you thought._

And I hate being tricked, you know,

So that really just pissed me off.

 

But I didn't say a word,

And your voice filled in the space.

_It just really makes me sad_

_That you had to grow up in this place._

 

 _Yeah, well, you did too,_ I'd said softly

Because I didn't know what you'd meant.

And because you were so exhausting.

And because I was totally spent.

 

We just left it there at that,

Didn't say another thing.

I was deciding if that deep conversation

Should be a one-time-only kind of thing.

 

I was thinking and I was scared

As we laid there on your bed,

And that stupid, **stupid** word "love"

Just wouldn't get out of my head.

 

_I wondered: Do I love you?_

_Well what does love even mean?_

_What if I_ **_do_ ** _love you?_

_Would you-- Do you even love me?_

 

And right then I panicked,

I shut my eyes real tight.

I didn't know the answers,

But you there next to me seemed right.

 

I fell asleep after that,

And you did too, I know.

I found out that next morning

That the sunrise makes you glow.

 

Of course, I ran when I woke,

You were still sleeping when I left.

But the stubborn image of you in my head

Wouldn’t leave and it made me stressed.

 

I went about for weeks after

Realizing things I never knew

It was like you'd flipped a switch

And suddenly my brain was addicted to you

 

For example: Your favorite shirt was green,

And you hated your coffee black.

And you brushed your teeth **before** you ate,

Which I still think is totally whack.

 

And we went back and forth

Playing the game we knew so well.

Then shit happened, I got married,

And everything went to hell.

 

You couldn’t understand me,

And I had a kid on the way.

I couldn’t understand you,

And then I ended up coming out as gay.

 

At first I couldn’t believe it,

It had to be the worst mistake I ever made.

The look on your face changed my mind

But I was still so afraid.

 

Then we found out you were bipolar.

And you hated those fucking meds.

I sometimes wanted to take them all

And swallow them myself instead.

 

I tried with everything I had to help you,

But I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

You’d got depressed and changed so fast.

The future looked dark; I felt like puking.

 

Most days you wouldn’t get out of bed,

You told me to leave you alone and go away.

Then suddenly you’d get up to run a few miles,

And tell me that it was a beautiful day.

 

Then you took my kid and ran and I said,

 _I'm worried about you._ **_I love you._ **

And that moment made me realize,

 _Fuck,_ **_I really do._ **

 

So I told you again later: _I love you._

But something was off, I could tell.

I figured it was probably the meds,

But that didn’t stop me from wanting to yell.

 

And again you said to me,

_What does that even mean?_

And I spoke my heart that time,

Which was pretty much a first time thing.

 

_It means we’re there for each other_

_In good times, bad,_

_Sickness, health,_

_All that shit_ , I said.

 

But you didn’t listen to me then.

You just pushed me right down.

I never realized how fragile I was

Until I fell and hit the ground.

 

I meant that I loved you when I said it,

But I didn’t ever realize it was a plea.

I guess the only thing I ever really wanted,

Was for you to say it back to me.


End file.
